Monday, March 09, 2009

The Unread


Usually, when you first start a blog, the only readers you have are yourself and the unfortunate few who found you because they Googled something like "Oxyclean, ketchup and The Pet Shop Boys". Which means that some of the borderline genius posts you wrote at that time were maybe only seen by 2 or 3 people.

Until now.

Today, the lovely & talented Ann over at Ann's Rants starts a week of highlighting some long, forgotten blog posts, like my yoga rant, "Namaste", which can be found by clicking here. (Caution: Yoga has been known to make me drop the f-bomb. A lot.)

You can find one of Ann's lost classics over at Kelcey's The Mamabird Diaries.

And I'm lucky enough to have one of Kelcey's hilarious, no-longer-obscure posts right here:


In the Naked Night Kitchen

What's with all the naked people at the gym? You may be thinking - I have no idea because I can't get myself to actually go to the gym. Well, this information is not going to motivate you to get there.

Every week, I see these women who are enormously comfortable baring all amongst complete strangers. They stand there in the buck, with their lady parts all hanging out, while they mindlessly talk on their cell phones or blow dry their hair or apply mascara. Really?! You can't throw on a towel? Maybe underwear?

It's not like these ladies are super models. Oh no. Interestingly, it is often the ones with the cellulite dimpled behinds and extra generous waistlines that seem most at ease in the buff. Maybe they've come to some kind of peace with their bodies. Well, I'm not at peace as I attempt to throw on my yoga clothes without bumping into their exposed fannies.

Nudity in the ladies locker room goes way back. I distinctly remember when I was a teenager running into my best friend's mom at our local YMCA. She was completely naked.

She stood there and actually chatted with me. "How are you? How's school? I just ran into your mother at the CVS." That kind of thing. I just kept uttering moronic replies like, "I'm good. School's good. My mom is good." I kept trying to focus on her face. I did not want my eyes to slip downward and find out whether she waxed or not.

And when I was in my twenties, I once went to a nude beach with my dad. We were on Martha's Vineyard and I thought it would be funny to take a walk on Gay Head beach (yes, real name). I had never been to a nude beach before and I was a bit intrigued. So we went (fully clothed).

Well, there was nothing funny about it. Especially with my dad. Or any dad, for that matter. On our very short, uncomfortable walk, we ran into a naked family of four (mom, dad and two kids) all playing frisbee. Lots of running.

I don't have a problem with nudity in the right context. My children love to be naked. My girls like to dance naked, eat naked, and conveniently, bathe naked. One of their favorite books is In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak. The little boy, Mickey, pretty much spends the whole book nude - in fact that's the only thing I actually understand about this weird, trippy children's story.

So it's natural to bear all. I love being naked - as long as I'm wearing a t-shirt and jeans too.






27 comments:

bernthis said...

my favorite is when they bend over to blow dry their hair, ass right out there.

Beth said...

Now that you mention it, I am naked under my clothes, too.

K said...

I love the idea of showcasing the unread.

Why is it the naked lady is always right next to you at the gym? I recently ran into a lady blow drying her down there hair at the gym...not pretty.

Ann's Rants said...

And I have the most disturbing memories of some SERIOUSLY curly bikini lines...spot on, Kelcey!

Thanks so much for playing, Wendi! Even your intro made my LOL. xo

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

"Lots of running" had me stamping my feet with laughter. Eww. Too much bounce and jiggle for me - I'd only go nude if I had my 16 yo body back, and then it would just be to gloat.

Belle said...

What a great idea for when you have run out of ideas..

Chris said...

You've nailed it! Some people just don't "do naked" right. It's a social disability, really. I agree with you - why CAN'T they put on a towel or underwear while primping in the mirror. It's a fetish or something. I want my DOG to wear underwear for goodness sakes!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Long ago when I used to go to the gym... I was always astounded by the nudity. I agree - there is no reason that you can't put SOMETHING on when you're lined up at the sinks blow drying hair and applying makeup. It could get pretty crowded and the risk of "touching" was just too high for me. I tended to stick with one of the less sought after spots with bad lighting. At least I knew that now wayward "parts" would be flung in my direction.

the mama bird diaries said...

I'm commenting in the nude right now. Ok. I'm not.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

I second Bern's comment. Truly, the bend over and fluff blow dry manuever should be illegal!!! Haven't they seen any prison movies for God's sake???

Damselfly said...

Um, if I ran into a friend's naked mom, I would be highly uncomfortable....

jamey r said...

I am a very proud nevernude.
I think naked people in public should only ever be happening on a dare. Or to repay a debt.

Marinka said...

do I understand this correctly? You're ok with nudity so long as it's CHILDREN?
;)

Ann's Rants said...

I'm back. Laughing even harder. I agree with Ryan on the hilarity of "Lots of Running." And yes, What is up with "The Night Kitchen" First they bake him in a cake, and then he drowns in milk. Sweet dreams, children...

StephanieG said...

I cannot in my wildest dreams begin to imagine a time when only 2 or 3 people read your work. I have been a long time stalker, occasional poster, since the moment I first read your Always Maxi Pad letter.

You are the reason I blog!!! Well, you and those 2 or 3 people who read my work.

Hugs,
S

Christy said...

Oh I'm so with you on this one. I stopped going to the gym because of the locker room nudity. (not really, I stopped because I'm lazy, but that reason sounds better.)

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Wait ... I'm getting a visual.

(Nude frisbee with lots of running.)

You must've heard some nice flapping sounds. Almost rhythmic where you coud make up a little ditty in your head to it.

Kylie w Warszawie said...

I thought this only happened in Poland. But in Poland it is the gorgeous ladies who do it. And the old women.

And Maurice Sendak's books are all weird and trippy.

Heather said...

The lots of running comment is hilarios. I'll never forget a woman with her legs spread holding her towel in between her legs, one hand in front and one hand in the back, drying her nether regions like she was a lumberjack. Oh, that memory just gives me the shivers.

Wendi - I have an award over at my blog for you.

Cat said...

I'm not comfortable with gym nudity either, but I have no problem with porn. Go figure.

Kristen said...

Kelcey,
This is my favorite post! I joined a gym that has no showers because I hate gym locker rooms.
Kristen/MN Mama

Coffee with Cathy said...

Love the early-posts revisit. Great idea. Do it again, do it again!

MadMad said...

OK, OK, I'm still getting over the idea you'd want to go to a nude beach with YOUR DAD. (Even clothed.)

Dee Dee said...

I agree. I don't like MY lady business flapping about, so I definitely don't want to see anybody else's lady business flapping around in MY lady business' vicinity.

Lady With a Knife said...

Since my butt often flaps against the back of my kneecaps, I can't imagine wanting to share it with anyone! Thank you for seriously making my day when I discovered your blog!
Please "discover" mine! I can't even get my own family to leave comments :(

LT said...

Historically, I am not so much of a naked person either. However, I have to say either getting older or giving birth (or both) have made me rethink it all. Now that half of the doctors in Atlanta have seen me naked I don't care so much about the random person in the gym seeing me. Great post Kelc!!

Momma B said...

Jeez, me too! Naked, yet fully clothed! There is no f'ing way that anyone is seeing me naked! I go to the gym DRESSED in what ever I plan to wear! I am not taking my clothes off, so someone can see all of my pieces hanging out and down and however else they may be hanging! UH UH! No way!