So, we finally got our ants. (I don't want to say how, exactly. Just know that sometimes it's good to have a friend who works in a comic book store.) The 50 or so ants flew cross-country from California and arrived in our mailbox this Monday. And what a fantastic surprise that was. Second only to getting a back payment letter from the IRS or a package from Ted Kaczynski, really.
The instructions from Uncle Marvin Industries told us that the very first thing we needed to do was put the test tube of ants in the refrigerator for an hour. Maybe because their eyes were puffy after the flight or the humidity was making them schvitz...who the hell knows. They're ants.
After they'd had a chance to just chillax for a while and catch up on their reading, Jack and I gingerly poured the lot of them into their new ant farm home, then sat back and waited for the magic to happen.
And waited.
And waited.
It was like watching the fall pledge drive on PBS, only without the implicit thrill of a tote bag.
Finally, we gave up and put the farm outside. (I'm a nice mom, but not nice enough to set them up in the guest room with fancy hand soap and monogrammed towels. Please.) (Plus, judging from our pantry, we were already at full ant occupancy, anyway.)
Unfortunately, that night happened to be a really cold one, so the next morning, our herd of ants wasn't moving very much. Or at all. Sighing, I turned to Jack and very gently said, "I think they're just sleeping, honey."
He looked back at me with his big, blue eyes and screamed, "NO, THEY'RE NOT! THEY'RE DEAD!!! (long pause) AWE---SOME!!!"
Well, OK then. Fine by me. Just wish I'd known a few weeks ago that my kid was so cool with dead things, because then I could have scraped some old flies off of the back deck and saved everyone the trouble. Or just put a flattened frog in a jar and called it an educational toy. Who knew?
So RIP, ants. You came, you saw, you bought the damn farm. Poor bastards. But, really, I think you're in a better place, now. Trust me on this.
25 comments:
Heh. You said "schvitz".
I once found a roll of toilet paper in mail box. That's something you don't see everyday.
Hey kids, ever wonder what to do with all those dead ants once they've "bought the farm"?(ant farm, that is) Bury them in our newest product: Ant Cemetery!(TM) (deadantsnotinlcuderestrictionsapplyronconotresponsibleforanycommunicablediseasesthatmayresultsinuseofthisproduct.)
What is it with boys and liking all things dead? We passed a dead animal on the road the other day and my 7 yr old wanted me to stop and pick it up! GROSS!!!
Really, it was very kind of you to bring them home to die.
Will they get a proper funeral?
It's kind of funny that they never really have a chance to check out the new digs.
Hey, if they could survive an hour in the fridge, how were you to know they couldn't be arctic?
How do ants that literally chill out in the fridge NOT survive a night out of doors? That's pretty damn picky, if you ask me. What are they, orchids? I don't think so.
I was cooking the other day. Chicken. I was searing it in a hot butter/olive oil mixture. As I was slipping it into the hot pan some oil flew up and landed (no fucking kidding) EXACTLY where my nipples would be if I hadn't nursed 3 kids. I of course thought of you. The chicken wasn't frozen though.
Was it really the outdoors that killed the outdoor bugs?
Maybe it's that damn farm. Did you have it inspected by the city to get the proper Cert. of Occupancy? Perhaps asbestos? Or lead paint chipping on their miniature window sills?
OK. One: you put the ants in YOUR FRIDGE? And two: that PBS pledge line? The best! "implicit thrill of a tote bag..." Awesome!
I hear that freezing is a very gentle death. You just go to sleep... So at least you have that to fall back on.
That is just flipping awesome!
Please to be mailing me not ants that are no longer alive.
But since Paul Harvey's no longer with us, I have to ask, "Where's the rest of the story?" Did the formerly alive ants get a funeral? Is a new batch coming your way? And where exactly did you put them in your refrigerator -- The cheese drawer? The egg compartment? The lettuce bin? Details ... we want details!
in maine we exterminate ants.
wow..it was a really short-lived adventure for those ants!! It's kind of anticlimatic that they died their first night. :)
And what do ants do when it's really cold outside?? Why didn't they just burrown into their new home and get warm? Ants are stupid. Goodbye ants.
All our ants did was dig a mass grave in which they buried their friends. Then those ants were so nice, they laid down in the pile and died too!
So just because they're different than you are, their death is meaningless?
I can't believe you risked putting those fuckers in the fridge. I thought for sure they'd get out and eat a piece of cheddar or something
Now? They're a delicacy! See you tomorrow!!! ;)
Get him some Sea Monkeys. Remember those? Nothing could kill those little buggers.I do remember being pretty pissed they didn't have human-like faces, like they did on the package. Oy, I'm bumbling down memory lane ... someone take me back to the home now?
Their lives were so brief, yet so full of joy.
Luke is into snails now...I HATE snails. Today he said, "Mommy, snails aren't slimy and gross." Spoken like a true 3yo boy...
It's true, you really missed the joy of watching these ants work their little ant asses off for days burrowing tunnels, climbing over each other's faces and creating a magical blue goo world of inner connected bug tubes...and then croak. It's so much cooler that way. Twice.
I think if my kids would be happy with dead ants, I would be totally into getting an ant farm too! I don't need any of the live ones, but dead, now that's the ticket!
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