Thursday, February 05, 2009

Career Girls

Today the fantastic Kelcey from The Mamabird Diaries and I are guest posting on each other's blogs. The topic--our first jobs out of college. Mine is about the very strange day I was mistaken for a soap opera star and can be found by clicking here.

Kelcey is a smart, warm, funny writer who's always a great read. On a daily basis, she's usually doing something a lot more cool and interesting than I'm doing. Like this, for example:

TV STARLET

By Kelcey Kintner of The Mamabird Diaries

When I was 11 years-old, I went to Los Angeles for a family vacation and came back utterly shocked and bitterly disappointed that I had not been discovered. I was absolutely convinced that with my awesome black Ray-Bans and Sun-In highlights, I would become an overnight movie star sensation.

What had possibly gone wrong?

No matter. Many years later, I would get my gleeful revenge on Hollywood by becoming a fancy TV star.

After graduating from journalism school, I sent my resume tape to TV stations across the country. I was determined to become one of those bright red lipstick, live-on-the-scene TV reporters.

I finally found my first on-air TV job. In Great Falls, Montana.

Where?! Oh, somewhere near Canada. The day I arrived from Manhattan, it was minus 30 degrees in Great Falls but I was totally prepared with my Jeep Wrangler convertible and pink ear muffs.

At first I did a lot stories on local city commission meetings and the opening of the new "Lewis & Clark National Historic Trail Interpretive Center" which is as sexy and controversial as it sounds.

But I knew the big story was coming. And then it happened.

The city of Great Falls got its very first Burger King. The 60,000 residents had clearly been hankering for some flame broiled burger because the lines were astonishing. I sprayed down my hair and tried to stay calm as I reported the frenzied hubbub at the fast food chain. Surely, I would be a STAR now.

Later that night, filling up my cart at the local grocery store, I waited for the masses to recognize me. Or at least a store clerk. But nothing.

At the gym, I prepared for the onslaught of fans. Everyone would shout, "Whopper of a story, Kelcey!" as I pounded away on the stairmaster. But again, zip.

What the hell? Doesn't anyone watch local news anymore?

With my celebrity dreams dashed, I spent the rest of the year in Montana trying to experience Big Sky Country and not freeze my arse off. A friend took me "spelunking" which sounds all adventurous and cool but really means, "They leave you in a pitch dark cave and you think you'll actually die there and your remains will be devoured by bats."

I learned to shoot a gun, which was one handy skill I planned to take back with me to New York City.

I dated this super hot construction worker who could have sex in a minute or less which gave us plenty of time to do other fun things like go spelunking and shoot guns.

Finally, my contract ended. I packed up my bear mace and drove home to New York.

During the 2,000 mile drive home, I never once stopped at a Burger King.





18 comments:

bernthis said...

i wanted to be a journalist and for this reason alone is why i decided to chuck it all and become a professional loser

Beth said...

Bear mace, spelunking, and sex in a minute or less. I've missed out on so much in life.

Mayberry said...

Oh boy, Kelcey! How long did you last in Montana? (More than a minute?)

Ann's Rants said...

Whopper of a story, Kelcey!

So glad I found you. I really enjoy both your and Wendi's sense of humor.

Cathy said...

I don't think being famous in a small town would be fun--what kind of perks would you get--free gift cards to Wal-Mart?

Belle said...

I think I remember you....

Patois said...

Sorry I missed such exciting TV stories! Thank God I can read you near-daily on your blog.

Rick said...

Let's hear it for the premature construction worker, who makes the rest of us guys look good. I only have to hold out for two minutes and I'm already twice the lover he is.
Put that in your hard hat!
Great post, Kelc.

sam said...

ok, i'm a little distracted by this one minute wonder construction guy! too funny! premature spelunking is sooo not on!

Kristen said...

Oh goodness...thanks for making me laugh. The joys, sorrows and disappointments of the first job. Ugh! When I read The Devil Wears Prada, my feelings about working in the fashion industry were validated. I met a few genuine people working there but it was a tough place to work.
(by MN Mama)

Julia said...

I can't believe that you actually went to such a place. I can't imagine you there.

Kylie w Warszawie said...

I also wanted to be a journalist, but only one who wrote, not one who appeared on TV. I attribute that to an intense fear of public speaking.

Marinka said...

Where's the construction guy now? I like a man who doesn't waste time.

Daphne@greenerbiener said...

Guns and whoppers and Bears, Oh my.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

So, is that new movie with Renee Zellwhatever based on you?

rightonmom said...

I think I've been to that 'Lewis & Clark' place...it's hawt.

Sorry about the missed chance at stardom. On the bright side, you will never wind up on E's 'Where Are They Now?' episodes.

Lanie said...

I am glad that you are not in Montana anymore and that you don't shoot guns. . .Great post! :-)

texasholly said...

I am so disappointed that this was all pre-YouTube.

Very funny.