Monday, December 15, 2008

Santa Claus is (Maybe) Comin' To Town



You better watch out,
Better not cry,
Better be good, I'm telling you why...
Santa Claus is comin' to town and mommy's thisclose to texting the old man a "cease and desist" about showing up at our house because mommy's had it up to HERE with you and your brother fighting like two ferrets in a gunny sack. I mean, honestly, kid. Are you not down with this whole "naughty list" thing yet? Think, man. There are toys at stake here.

He sees you when you're sleeping,
He knows when you're awake (and so does the rest of the neighborhood),
He knows if you've been bad or good...
So be good for your mommy's mental health sake or said mommy might just hire a couple of nasty, Finnish elves to babysit you two while she heads to the day spa for a Mistletoe Salt Scrub & Poinsettia Polish. Oh, yeah. That's right. You heard me.

So, you'd better shape up,
Better not cry,
Better be good and not do something completely insane like put toothpaste on the cat again. I mean, come on, what were you thinking? Colgate on whiskers? How could you do that to Miss Dickens? You know she hates the smell of mint.
Anyway, better be good, I'm tellin' you why...
Santa Claus is comin' to tow-nnnnnnn.

If you're lucky.





24 comments:

K said...

I like it.

This Santa stuff is tough work.

peajaye said...

Ah, maybe NOW the idea of selling the kids into slavery doesn't sound so harsh, does it?

lisa said...

Santa, he's nothing!- I'm bringing out the menorah, baby!! 8 days of jewish guilt (i mean, gelt)

Jonny's Mommy said...

Perfect. Seriously...Crest would be much better for the kitty.

Mama Monkey said...

Bwahahaha! I love the image of 2 ferrets in a gunny sack.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Lurv it Wendi!

Just a few days ago my 2 nutjobs tipped our sofa backwards somehow but they both rolled off of it safely. But still, how the hell do you tip a couch over???!!!

I had to deep breath for a moment so I wouldn't start slinging foul language and scare their ears half to death.

I saw coal at a $1 store and I was thinking of hiding all their gifts and only putting coal in their stockings for X-mas morning and give them a nice fright for a good 15 minutes! Then they'd feel how I felt as I saw their butts come toppling over and being the opposite of Lou Ferrigno, I damn sure couldn't catch them plus our couch!

HarryJack's Mom said...

HA! The only thing that worked today was telling them I was going to sneak down and take a toy.....grrr, it's BAD around here. Sorry it's no better there - happy holidays!

Marinka said...

Great, now that's going to be running through my head all day long!

rightonmom said...

I hear medicating the cat will help her to forget her trauma. It's worth a shot, poor Miss Dickens.

MadMad said...

Oh, I'm already on my THIRD cancellation of Christmas - I think they just become impossible this close to the holidays!

Momma B said...

We don't have cats (allergic), but I feel sooooo at home with this post! My kids exist solely to drive me NUTSO!


Good luck with the Christmas "good/bad" list!

I hope it works for you!

I have a friend hunting for a piece of coal in hopes that it will cause here almost 4 year old to think before she FREAKS OUT over the next year!

Moi said...

I've been telling the girls we've been getting messages from Santa via email and cell phone. He has not been happy with their behavior of late, especially the arguing and messy closets. The closet thing is from Mr. Man. I don't care what the closet looks like, as long as the door is closed.

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

I agree! Add another boy and that's my life.

Jan E said...

Having raised three boys, I know 'xactly what you're talking about. They've been grown and gone for over 10 years and I still wake up some mornings and think "Oh, thank God I survived." I can breathe normally again.

Cat said...

That's a much more realistic version of a classic Christmas tune. Fantastic. Even more so because I am kid-less

Charmaine said...

Ha ha. There really is something about boys. They fight like monsters.

I don't have kids. Just nieces and nephews.

I go to one sisters homes (all girls) all is serene.

I go the the other sisters home (all boys) and it is like stepping into a Bruce Lee film. You have to act fast, or you could lose an eye.

pat said...

I still get scared Santa won't come...

E. Ann Bardawill said...

Wendy, Wendy, Wendy...
You want to get something done... text Mrs Claus.

**shameless plug for the lastest post at my blog**

Cindy said...

Oh, apparently the news that Christmas was cancelled this year didn't make it to your neighborhood..?

Melissa said...

Nasty Finnish elves? Wouldn't Mexican labor be cheaper and easier to get in Austin?

Found you through Marinka, and I meant to comment on your "Why Austin" post, as I live here, too. But I was reading from my phone and lost the link until today. Anyway, lame excuse. Which Rudy's? 183, 620, or 360? :)

anymommy said...

Fabulous. That poor cat.

Deb said...

I need to text Santa! At least the cat won't get gingivitis.

veli said...

thnks

phd in yogurtry said...

Or not! One of these days he won't come. Honest. I mean it this time.