Monday, November 24, 2008

This Is Why I Should Never Cook


Last night when I was making dinner, I unfortunately had a small accident that involved a chicken, hot olive oil and my face. Which means that today I'm in bed, slathered in medicated cream and whacked out on Vicodin. Or, as my husband put it, I'm now just one Larry Fortensky away from finally turning into Elizabeth Taylor.

At first I was a little freaked out about what happened to me, but now that I've spent the morning watching "The Top 25 Celebrity Near Death Experiences" on E!, I know I have nothing to complain about. After all, my car didn't get hit by an exploding mattress (Aaron Carter #23) or a wild bird (Cameron Diaz #19). Nor did I fall out of a coconut tree (Keith Richards #13), narrowly escape a crashing disco ball (Boy George #10) or start choking on a bite of fish at a Hollywood restaurant (Ellen Barkin #21) and have to be Heimliched by a slimy talent agent. And if those brave celebrities were able to survive their own harrowing experiences, well, then I guess I can, too. (Also, did you read the part about my nice little Vicodin?)

So all that said, I'd like to wish everyone a very happy Thanksgiving this week. I hope you all have a wonderful time celebrating with your friends and family. And don't worry about me. I just made our Thanksgiving dinner reservations at a fancy downtown restaurant where they tell me I can't even set foot near the kitchen. And for that, I'm very thankful.




22 comments:

Danielle said...

Wow Wendi, I'm so sorry you got hurt! Hope everything heals w/ no scars!!! Happy Thankgiving...and stay the hell away from the stove!

MadMad said...

Ouch! Stupid cooking - I knew I hated it! Hope you're all better soon!

hokgardner said...

Ouch! I'm sorry to hear about your incident. And I think being hopped up on vicodin is the only way to tolerate watching E!

Good for you on THanksgiving plans. I suggested the same thing but was voted down. But then B's cousin's wife saved the day by inviting us to their house!

mykljak said...

Like Cher and Tina Turner, you are a survivor.

Marinka said...

I'm so sorry! I hope that you're feeling better soon and that your modeling career isn't affected!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Ok, that doesn't sound like fun. Makes you kind of happy you didn't plan to deep fry your turkey in hot oil this year, doesn't it? (looking on the bright side. . .). I hope you are ok and that it all isn't too painful! Take care and have a Happy Thanksgiving too!

Lissa Jane said...

some people will do anything to get out of cooking a freakin' large bird wont they?

glad to hear you are OK.. and I like to 'make' reservations too..

and being a celebrity dont mean you are smart, some of these people are so darn stupid I am surprised they can walk upright and breathe at the same time..

bestest celebrity accident was Fabio getting hit by a goose whilst on a rollercoaster a few years ago.. what a goose! LOL

zchamu said...

Gaaah! That sounds awful! I hope you heal soon. Gah! Chicken! Hot oil! Gah!

marathon mom said...

Hope you heal better soon! Anything with oil in the kitchen scares the crap out of me. Take care funny girl.

Momma B said...

I am very sorry to hear about your accident. I am a bit of a freak and tend to worry about things like frantic chickens flopping about and making hot oil go all over my face, but I guess now I'll be even more careful, since you just proved that it CAN AND WILL HAPPEN! You know about Murphy's Law, right?

Anyway, I will be watching my husband prepare most of our Thanksgiving dinner, because for some unknown reason he gets great joy out of being named the maker of all things holiday! In short, he likes taking credit for the good things on that day. I just consider it a break!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving all!

Mama Monkey said...

Damn! (((HUGS))) I hope you're feeling better.

phelps family said...

Between the ant attack, the (near) shark attack, and the chicken, you are having a bad year. I hope 2009 is accident-free for you and yours!

cheryl said...

hope you have a speedy recovery.i wish i was able to make reservations,but everything is too far away from where i live.have a happy turkey day wendy

Gone Crazy said...

Ouch! I'm so sorry you're hurt! The last time I tried to cook with oil I started a fire, and hilarious hijinks ensued ("NOOOO! Don't throw water on that--are you trying to burn the house down?"). I'm not allowed to cook anymore. As you can imagine, I'm all broken up inside.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving dinner out!

the mama bird diaries said...

I hope you feel better soon.

I'm staying out of the kitchen too.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Yikes! That chicken really didn't want to get in the pot, huh?

Feel better Wendi and have a Happy Turkey Day.

Sans Pantaloons said...

Wishing you well Wendi, and a speedy and complete recovery.

Lady Weasel said...

mmmmmmmmmm Vicodin! Sorry to hear of the chicken attacking you with hot olive oil!

Once, I had a collision with a bowl of molten sugar. That shit sticks!!!!!!! I took pictures and posted them for all to see. I named the blister "George." :)

Christy said...

I just got home from New York and hear THIS? Gawd, Wendi, can't I leave you alone for ONE DAY?

Feel better soon. Then send me the rest of your Vicodin.

Carol said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your accident. I meant to post earlier but I wanted to look for the name of gel sheeting I used for my daughter.
She had surgery @8 months old across her clavicle and sternum. Afterwards I tried a number of creams to help reduce the scaring..
long story short. this gel sheeting (bandage) called "Cica-Care" is awesome. This was used almost 2 months after her surgery and it worked wonders. Its pricey.. I had to order it from medical supply store but I just found it on Amazon of all places! Much cheaper!! (smaller size but a little is all you need) Anywho.. just thought you could use the info.

pat said...

You went to all that trouble to avoid cooking? Well I don't blame you, I also will do anything to get to eat out!

sBarbarella said...

Had you been drinking, this probably never would have happened. After all isn't it the drunk drivers that always walk away unscathed?

I do sincerely hope you are better soon as you my hero!