Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Sexy People
Earlier today, I was reading this week's issue of People magazine because I was desperate to hear the real scoop on Taylor Swift's break-up with that rebel Jonas Brother. (Jim? Jaime? Jicama? I'm not sure what his name is. But damn, gurl, he's a Clearasil-usin' dawg.) Anyway, just seconds after I finished the fantastic "Bodies After Babies!" pictorial, I saw a full-page ad emblazoned with the tantalizing headline "SEXY ESSENTIALS". Wow, I thought. Now this is something I have just got to read. After all, I've always dreamed of being essentially sexy. And who better to tell me how than the fine employees of People's ad sales department? Let's go!
But then, as I started to read the page, eagerly looking for tips on hair teasing, cleavage enhancement and lower-back tattoos, I noticed that the ad was actually full of coupons. Huh? That's weird, I said. After all, what's sexy about saving money? It's not like anyone's ever gotten laid at Costco. But the copy then went on to explain that the coupons were for products that would, I think, help make a person sexy in preparation for People's upcoming "Sexiest Man Alive" issue. Which was a big relief because Lord knows I've always wanted to look hot when I'm sprawled on the couch with my cat, covered in cookie crumbs and running my fingers over Taye Diggs' biceps on page 24. I mean, who doesn't?
So, after carefully cutting out each and every money-saving coupon on the page, I put them in my purse for the night and tomorrow, I'm planning on waking up early and heading out to the store for my "sexy shopping" spree. I can't wait to see how high my level of hotness climbs. And just in case you'd like to join me, here's the list of People's SEXY ESSENTIALS that I'm going to be buying:
Lee Riders Jeans
Zyrtec
Oil of Olay Deep Penetrating Moisturizer
Mamma Mia! The Movie DVD
and
Mott's Healthy Harvest Apple Sauce
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna be sizzling.
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21 comments:
That's borderline pornographic. Marry me.
Maybe nobody got lucky at Costco, but at least one comedienne (I wish I could remember who) said she met her husband at the grocery store: "First he checked me out, and then he bagged me."
oh my gosh.. thats all I need to be sexy??
hmm I'd need the moisturiser to get my butt into a pair of jeans.. it is spring here, so the zyrtec would help with the hay fever, can't be looking HOT with a snotty nose and applesauce and mamma mia??? kinky!
Lissa
Zyrtec IS sexy, Wendi!
Well... what exactly are you supposed to DO with the applesauce? Does it say?
I'm wondering about the specific uses of the applesauce, too. ;-)
I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, but I think Lee Jeans hold more muffin tops than a bakery. I mean, does anyone think Lee Jeans are SEXY?!?!?
Here's how they must've chosen them:
Lee Rider Jeans: has the word "Rider" in it which sounds sexual
Zyrtec: maybe you'll stop sneezing and have sex
Oil of Olay Deep Penetrating Moisturizer: "penetrating", he he
Mamma Mia!: Someone at People says this when they are having sex
Mott's Healthy Harvest Apple Sauce: oh, those sick bastards
Hilarious! I love "Fairly Odd Mother's" analysis. It's funny how they try to make everything under the sun sexy. . . Lee Jeans? Applesauce? REALLY???
oh yeaaaaahh-apple sauce & mom jeans-there's no stopping me now-I am a sex machine
You had me at "deep penetrating"
And then I got to "Applesauce"
If only these items were also considered organic.
Mamma Mia?!?!?!
You loved that movie!! Fitting that it should be in your collection. Consider getting it on blue ray so you can watch it over, and over, and over, and over without ruining the quality.... yes i said quality, it has quality... just watch it a few more times, you'll see.
i never understood why they call them riders. why would i want to buy jeans that i'm constantly having to pull out of my butt?
Uh, Zyrtec???
I'm shocked there were no coupons for Mucinex and toe fungus medicine. Even Angelina Jolie couldn't be sexy with a phlemy cough and athlete's foot.
Healthy Harvest Applesauce!! Why, I love that stuff! In fact, just the other night in bed I, uh, well I, uh.
Well, I just like it, ok?
That is hilarious. I can't believe that People magazine wasn't on the list. I suppose they're assuming you already bought that if you're reading the article...
What the hell?!
Is this for real? Coupons?! LOL!
Lee Riders Jeans - let me guess, it's with the tapered leg instead of boot cut?
Zyrtec - who'd want to sneeze in their mate's face or have red, itchy marijuana looking eyes?
Oil of Olay Deep Penetrating Moisturizer - mmm...penetration or it can be used if your home alone...heh heh heh.
Mamma Mia! The Movie DVD - I prefer VHS's initials [very hot sex] instead of one with VD in it.
Mott's Healthy Harvest Apple Sauce - this will keep your sugar up therefore providing more energy which will keep the 'action' going.
Apple sauce ... Okay... But no coupon for rubber bed sheets? Cheeky.
My sister had the Mama Mia CD in her car yesterday, I about fell off the seat snickering!
I know someone who got lucky at Costco in the back room.
You've never gotten laid at Costco? Girl, you gotta learn how to live.
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