Monday, November 10, 2008

Reflections on an Outlet Mall

Trip to the outlets
Good bargains and deals await!
Pulse is quickening.

Pants for just ten bucks
Grab and pull with eager hands
Orange bell-bottoms? Yes!

Two-for-one dresses
Floral, satin, size zero
Where's my credit card?

Try on discount shoes
Too big, too small, too hoochie
Despair at Nine West.

Huge Tigger sweatshirt
Tacky, ugly, smelly, gross
Perfect for neighbor.

Energy waning
Revive at The Fudgery
Chocolate? Meet shame.

Fifty percent off
Good for outerwear and toys
Not so much for love.

Last season's Prada
Damaged, stained, thrown in a bin
Couture has died here.

Aching feet and arms
Time to depart outlet mall
But first, Maidenform!

Wallet is empty
Hard-earned cash now discount shirts
Poor girl with nice shoes.

Farewell, my dear mall
Where dreams are irregular
But joy is wholesale.


hokgardner said...

I get hives even thinking about the outlet mall.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

I love me a good haiku. Very nice. I still can't go near an outlet---bins of clothes make me twitch. The Fudgery, though? Yum. But, really, what are they able to discount on fudge? Is it last year's?

Cat said...

This gives me a hankerin' for my outlet mall. HIDE MY KEYS!

*Akilah Sakai* said...


I haven't been to an outlet mall in ages! I don't even know where my outlet mall is (not that I'm dumb, I moved to a new State). The only thing that would interest me is fudge anyway cos I like to eat more than I like to shop...

MadMad said...

Funny and poetry? What CAN'T you do, woman!?

bernthis said...

Im'm sorry. Was that a "yeah!" to the orange bell bottoms? Are you sure?

the mama bird diaries said...

Wishing you wholesale joy every day of your life. I can't do the outlets. I find nothing, feel enormous fatigue and then hunger and then i'm parched and then i go home.

Cooper Green said...

Go to the last line
Hit 'end' and hold down 'delete'
'Til the blank lines go.

It's time like this that I alarm myself at how anal I am. Your excellent haikus deserve far more respect, and I am deeply sorry but I can't help myself.

Lady Weasel said...

This made me laugh hard.
You are one funny lady.
I bow down to you.

Kate Tabor said...

They call to me now,
Loehman's, Marshall's, and the Rack.
My car knows the way.

Thanks for many, many days of belly laughs and perfect mom moments. I struggled at Loehman's just this past weekend, wondering why a coat that fit around me seemed to graze the floor. I must get taller. Clearly lack of height is my problem.

Gray Matter said...

Last season's Prada
Damaged, stained, thrown in a bin
Couture has died here.

You are a Goddamn poet.

Sue said...

I love me a good outlet mall! I am a little concerned for you neighbor though! A smelly Tigger sweatshirt? Nice haikus too!

rightonmom said...

I found myself pulsating with shopper anxiety reading this.
And anyone who can use the words
'hoochie' and 'couture' in the same poem deserves a medal. Genius.

Cassie said...


shay said...

Well that pretty much says it all exactly right!

I took my nephew and his friend a couple of months ago. I'm not sure I'll be ready to go back for quite a loooooooong time!

TLCknits said...


Moi said...

My goodness Wendi
I bow before your haiku
Happy Birthday friend!