Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Do Not Vote For Wendi Aarons


Wendi Aarons is sooo completely unqualified to hold public office.

Wendi Aarons once ran for treasurer of her junior high school and lost to a boy everybody called "Freaky Mike".

Wendi Aarons only joined her school's PTA because she thought they were the group that rescued hurt animals and said nasty things to women wearing fur coats.

Wendi Aarons thinks "president" should be spelled with a "z".

Wendi Aarons was recently seen laughing her ass off during a screening of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" and may therefore be mentally unstable.

Wendi Aarons tells everyone that she never sent fan letters to Kenny Rogers, but she really did.

Wendi Aarons claims that global warming is caused by microwave popcorn.

Wendi Aarons once owned acid-wash jeans and had a Donna Summer stack perm.

Wendi Aarons is now 40 years-old and has known foot and sinus problems that may prevent her from balancing the budget.

Wendi Aarons once put on a toga and partied with known radical group Gamma Phi Beta sorority.

Wendi Aarons sometimes says something, then completely forgets she ever said it, then stomps away and pouts about it.

Wendi Aarons wants to pass legislation that makes it illegal to talk on your cell phone when you're in a public restroom stall.

Wendi Aarons once stole a grocery store pumpkin when she was drunk and therefore is an obvious threat to our national security.

Wendi Aarons often gets wine and water confused.

Wendi Aarons should never lead anything but a conga line.








32 comments:

Orion said...

you should get those kick-ass buttons like they had on Napoleon Dynamite. You can be all sophisticated with skills. Gosh!

Drunken pumpkin stealing? I once grabbed and smashed a pumpkin on my birthday while i was drunk. They deserved it, cause my birthday is in December! The damn thing was rotten and soupy.

L said...

That's O.K. about the pumpkin.
One time many years ago when I was about 22 (Now 41, but 41 is the NEW 21 right ?). Myself & a friend were walking home from a bar & had to pass a grocery store that used to leave grocery carts outside all night.
We just helped ourselves to one....
Oh yea & in it ??? About a 6-7' live Christmas tree !!!
Oh the FUN old times !!!

Cooper Green said...

Wendi Aarons cannot see Mexico from her porch, even with a really strong telescope.

just a girl... said...

I sooooooo want to lead a conga line

MadMad said...

Oh, I don't know. This list makes you OVERQUALIFIED, don't you think? Especially when compared to um... you know. Also, what Cooper Green said. He's usually right.

bernthis said...

Wendi aarons can uses pronouns, nouns and verbs all in the proper order. Yes, you are supremely unqualified.

Memarie Lane said...

Shoot, if you can lead a conga line you're one up on me.

Mama Monkey said...

*LOL!* I wouldn't vote for Wendi Aarons -- she is too articulate to run for public office. ;-)

http://momofmonkeys.wordpress.com/

SportsFan's Daughter said...

And let's not forget the Flax Pita Chip incident...

L said...

NOT INCIDENT.......ASSIDENT !!!

Valarie said...

Oh, honey, if you can lead a conga line after 3 margaritas, you're WAAAAY overqualified for gov't office, especially in Texas.

coffeypot said...

Prezident is not spelled with a 'z'? Who would have thunk it? What's it spelled with, then?

Marinka said...

Can Wendi Aarons change water into wine? Because that is change that I can believe in.

Anonymous said...

I knew I liked you.

Goo Phoo Boo.

-Candy

Judy Merrill Larsen said...

Yeah, but does Wendi Aarons pronounce it "nu-cle-ar" or "nuk-u-lar"?

Momma B said...

If you could just get the presidential candidates to display themselves in this format, that would be GREAT! I grow very tired of watching them bash eat other, but it would be interesting to watch them bash themselves a bit!

Moi said...

And yet, I would still vote for her. Hmmmm...

Viva la Wendi!

Denise said...

Naaaa, I ALWAYS get wine and water confused. :o)

Tracy said...

Too funny!

There's always the write in candidate option. Your theme song, a la Kenny Rogers, "She Believes in Me!" Either that or "Gambler." It's a toss up, really. But definitely not "Coward of the County."

At any rate, you have my vote!

*Akilah Sakai* said...

HA!!!

"Wendi Aarons sometimes says something, then completely forgets she ever said it, then stomps away and pouts about it."

Well dammit, that sounds all too familiar! Where do I vote?

Cassie said...

VOTE FOR WENDI!

E. Ann Bardawill said...

You have my vote.

Of course, I'm Canadian, and therefore a commie pinko subversive, so that may also count against you...

Lady Weasel said...

"Wendi Aarons wants to pass legislation that makes it illegal to talk on your cell phone when you're in a public restroom stall."

I agree. But, the results CAN be very humorous when said cell phone users get what's coming to them:

Slightly NSFW. Do not eat or drink while reading.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/333345372.html

Deb said...

If you get shirts made, I'll wear one.

Wendi Aarons for president!!

the mama bird diaries said...

I'm sorry. Despite your arguments, I would vote for you in minute.

I'm still pissed off that I wasn't elected President of my 5th grade class. It was rigged. I know it.

shay said...

You might get my vote but then...I get water wine mixed up too :)

Sue said...

Me and you, conga line, let's go!

rightonmom said...

Hey, Beverly Hills Chihuahua had me rolling too! It'll be a classic!
Please consdier running, won't you!

ALI said...

very funny! will be back to read more, loved meeting you yesterday!

Wendy Christine said...

Haha. I'm a senior in high school.
Just ran to be secretary of the YACHT club - (Youth Against Complacency and Hunger Today).
I had to give a speech, and it was going DAMN good until towards the end I just started stuttering for some reason.
I got beat by a Junior.
I wanted to punch her.
But I restrained myself.
But I really wanted to :(.

Lela said...

Thanks for reminding me about the stack perm! Those were the days. Do you think wearing the baby blue/silver/hot pink eye shadow combo diqualifies me?

Just Dave said...

You are being too modest. I think you and Kinky Freidman would make a dream ticket. A weird dream but a dream nonetheless.