Monday, March 05, 2007

An Open Letter to James Thatcher, Brand Manager, Proctor and Gamble

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you fucking kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and KahlĂșa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

210 comments:

1 – 200 of 210   Newer›   Newest»
Not-So-Naughty Voyeur said...

This letter was truly magnificent. Every time I hear that commercial on TV I want to stick my fist through it! Morons. Wouldn't you have loved being at THAT ad meeting? You could have saved them from making a really bad decision. You should have had a bunch of women you know sign the letter along with you when you mailed it. I did that once, but for a local commercial. It was fun :)

Yasamin said...

oh my god this was sooo hilarious! i got this in an email from a friend and about died laughing! i had no idea you were a real person! thats awesome... please do tell. i have do know..

did you really send it???

Anonymous said...

Wendi,

You made our day. A copy of your letter circulated my office and we all love it. Perfect timing for many of us! We're all tempted to go buy a box to see if it really says "Have a Happy Period" but we refuse to increase their profits.

You go girl!

Suzzanne said...

This was very, very funny. I got in from a friend and sent it on to several friends. I also posted it on a webiste that women frequent.
I hope you invest some more time in writing. You have a true gift for finding humor in everyday life. Finding a way to make life funny is what keep us sane. I have bookmarked your blog so I'll be checking back.

Nanny Shanny said...

ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS! I hope you don't mind that I put it on my blog...I laughed so hard, so hard!

stephanie said...

God bless ya! God bless ya!!!!!!

Dark Lillith said...

Your letter made the rounds of my office as well and you could hear the women splitting a gut.

I thought it was such an absolutely PERFECT way to deal with that indescribable bit of cutesy marketing created by what could only have been a bunch of overpaid, scotch swilling B.Comm yuppie spawn.

Have a happy period...sure, would be more than willing to give it a shot if P&G will hand over the mutant who came up with that "Have a Happy Period" crappola.

It isn't that far removed from wishing someone a Happy Bowel Movement on the side of the Prep H tube...arseholes...

Theresa said...

I was laughing so hard I cried!!! Thank you for making my day!

adayinthelife said...

The little F-16 in my pants had me laughing for awhile before I could go on. Brilliant letter.

l-tek-4 said...

Brillant letter! So well timed, I esp. liked the part about the: "boyfriend who said that 'Grey's Anatomy' is written by a bunch of drunken chimps."

The whole set up was hilerous, with the "running down the beach in tight, white shorts" to the "F-16 in your pants." I had to run check if my Maxi Pads DID say "Happy a Happy Period" on the adhesive (they don't), but that commerical is enough to put any menstrating woman over the edge.

You, Wendi Aarons, are a genius! I loved your letter. It made me laugh until I cried.

Thank you, you're an extremely talented writer and I look forward to reading more from you.

Tara

BoS said...

Not to mention that when (not if) the wings come loose, you can get yourself a mini Brazilian without wanting one. Particularly at that time. ... What's his address again?

Shana said...

I just received this as a forwarded email, too. It is hys-freaking-terical, Miss Wendi!

To the idiots at P&G I say "Have a Happy Period" my ass... er, vijayjay!

Tina said...

This letter is making the rounds through email. I think it is hysterical! Bravo

runnergirlnyc said...

It's even worse then you let on:

http://www.beinggirl.com/en_US/happy/pages/index.jsp

Anonymous said...

I laughed until I had to get a Depends ...

troutvision said...

nicely done - many thanks

Dani

Mary Ann said...

Please tell me you sent it...you had to have sent it...I believe you sent it.

When this was sent to me, I appreciated the F-16 and other bits. I imagined myself soaring and diving during my day.
When I got the the "Happy period" part, the beverage I was drinking was ejected from my nose. It was a hot beverage.

I initially thought that I may have written the letter and just forgot in a rage/hormone induced amnesia. It was exactly a month previous that I had seen the offending message. My poor father was in the vicinity and I went on a 15 minute rant about the motherfin male moron that had the audacity to put a message like that on it.

I was relieved to find that you indeed are the letters author. I don't have to doubt my sanity...as much.

You did send it right?!?

factor said...

I got an exclusive interview with James Thatcher the infamous P&G Brand Manager last night. He expressed his remorse about the wave of negative comments regarding "Happy Period" and wants everyone to read his confessions at:

http://www.beinggirl.com/en_US/happy/pages/ecards.jsp

KickSkirt said...

This made my day all ten times it came through my mail.

Thank you

A fellow austinite

Deborah Denson said...

This comment has been removed because it linked to malicious content. Learn more.

Kedrin said...

BRAVA!!! I mean, REALLY...a happy period? How about "Have a chipper childbirth" or "Have a jubilant hysterectomy" James? The brilliance of corporate America never ceases to amaze me...

Anonymous said...

Um, well, I have had periods I was very happy to get! The commercials that always amazed me are the pregnancy test ones where everybody's so happy with the positive. I'm betting something like 90% of those are sold to people desprate for the minus sign as a result.
Just sayin'

Anonymous said...

Someone randomly forwarded this to me and while, being male, I will never fully appreciate the complaint I can appreciate a well-turned phrase when I read one.

This was quite a witty missive that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Less traciesmomforever @yahoo.com said...

I see your letter has drawn much attention, as it well should have. Congrads girl for voicing your opinion to those who should have some insite, but apparently do not. Way to go!!!!

You would think a woman would be in charge of this division wouldn't you. Maybe that should be your next letter, lol
Less

Anonymous said...

It's been a month since this was posted (FABulous letter, BTW) and the apology factor refers to is gone, but the revolting ad campaign is not. So much for truly being sorry!

Anonymous said...

Rock on sister! Any moron who puts the words "happy" and "period" next to each other in a sentence deserves to be nuetered!!!

Anonymous said...

This is great. I opened up a pack of Always a couple of months ago and saw that and thought THE EXACT SAME THING!!!! Was someone in that marketing department REALLY that clueless???????

~Allie in Minneapolis, MN

london_fox said...

Greetings from the UK! Your letter has been circulated on emails over here and all us girlies are loving it!! Not sure if we have 'happy period' on the UK ones. I am also happy that you are not an urban myth and the letter does exist!! Thanks for making my day at work better!!

T. D. Fuhringer said...

Ha ha ha! That is terrific Wendi. I am posting a link to this letter on my blog's front page today so my readers can enjoy this. Thanks for the great laughs.

Sandy said...

Oh my stars. My son said I'd like this and he's right. You write well too.
About time someone told the world that "We are not happy crampers".*

* my own expression

Jacqueline T Lynch said...

Brilliant. There is no better response to the company's condescending nitwittery than your insightful words. I'm still choking on the aerodynamic aspect of the product. Brava.

uffda said...

THAT WAS AWESOME!!!!! I would have paid money to be a fly on the wall the day that was read. I could not have said it any better. I suffer from endometriosis and have said some of those exact phrases to inconsiderate, unempathetic, male doctors. I wish I would have had this with me on those visits.

THANX!!!

Lauren Baratz-Logsted said...

This is fantastic.

spyscribbler said...

""Have a Happy Period."

Oh, but they took it out! I LOVED that little saying! I miss it! It never failed to make me smile.

Very funny post, though!

Anonymous said...

In Australia we have a company, Libra, that includes what they call "Odd Spots" of trivia on the adhesive backing... what do you think of this!?

Anonymous said...

I've read this letter a dozen or more times, and I can never get past your alternate slogans without almost wetting my pants. I love you. :D

Ally said...

I am laughing my socks off. Thanks for this post.

ewe are here said...

hahahahahahahaha

Came over from Oh, The Joys, and am really glad I did. Great letter.

SandyShoes said...

Excellent post.

"Put down the hammer." Perfect.

Anonymous said...

Wonderful letter. I have rec'd it from a few people and sent it on as well.

One of the best things about my hysterectomy, other then the obvious health benefits, was NOT seeing these stupid comments any more!!

Merry Mama said...

Thank God. I just got that advertisement on the back of my grocery receipt and I was thinking many of those same thoughts.

Anonymous said...

And if that wasn't bad enough....Thay are now"pioneered" becase they went bask ro using cardboard indtesed of plastic applicators.....I thought thats what they used in the fist place... Maybe I just have a bad memory but am I righ???????

Juliet said...

I about wet my pants laughing! I for one agree with you on the stupidity of the "Have a Happy Period". The first time I saw that on the package I about came unglued. I showed my husband that label and he said "thats asking for an ass whooping, morons!"

Juliet,
California

Juliet said...

I about wet my pants laughing so hard! I couldn't agree with you more on the stupidity of that lil advertisement. The first time I saw that I showed it to my husband. He looked at me and said "that is asking for an ass whooping, morons!" Even from a mans perspective, he thought it was really stupid.

Helen said...

Absolutely brilliant!

I've just hurt myself laughing at this! I've forwarded onto all of my girl mates!

I really hope that the guy that devised that idea (it had to be a man as there is no sane woman on the earth that would think that one up!) got the sack big time!

Absolute genius!

Helen, UK.

Anonymous said...

that letter is something i open up on my email when im feeling down.

relates to all women
the suckers at always should change their motto.

fantastic, you go girl!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I've worked on many P&G web sites (including "Fem Care"). So, I have sat in many a meeting where BMs (interesting title, isn't it?) spout off about how their product transforms consumers' lives. I always sat there thinking, "there's no way consumers are going to buy this load of malarkey!" I know I didn't!

I'm so happy to hear that you don't either! The problem with P&G is that they only think about their own agendas, and don't put the consumer first (even though they like to think they do).

So, good for you for calling them out! Maybe one day, they'll really start listening.

JoJo said...

Hahahahahaha !!! That's just really funny.

Anonymous said...

Tooo funny! How about, "Merry Vasectomy" cards or "Have a nice kidney stone, and many happy returns?" Or maybe we should just save that for the back of the acyclovir package. Good grief - who did they hire to do their ad campaign, "Morons R Us?"

Anonymous said...

Yep. That was funny.

Have you also noticed that the adhesive Always uses now for the overnight mega-thick, nothings-gonna-leak pads is now like superglue, though?

Seriously, I can't unstick these things from my underwear. There's nothing that makes me feel more attractive than having my husband walk in on me while I'm sitting on the toilet, scratching at the crotch panel of my undies, trying to unstick them.

Unless it's sitting there in the same position, with fluff from the pad kind of floating around the room, as trying to remove the pad resulted in the whole thing tearing apart - seriously, who engineered these?

I've got little bits to gooey plastic permanently stuck to all my panties.

After 2 decades of loyalty to Always, I've switched to the generic brand at my grocery store.

I'm so glad someone brought this subject up. Very happy to have gotten this off my chest!

Veronique said...

LOL. I really appreciate it when someone can be so pissed off and still keep their sense of humor.
Anyway... Use Natracare. Organic Tampons and Pads. They might not be Orgasmic but at least they don't contain bleach or other chemicals.

Anonymous said...

I thought you were kidding. No really, I did - I don't use the products anymore.

Moron - too good a word. Wonder if it applies to the pad after use, too? (I could get very graphic and gross about the EXACT reasons why "happy" is the wrong word, in addition to the emotional reasons, but someone may be eating while reading this...)

I can remember when there was NO NADA NONE advertising for "feminine products" in any medium except women's mags. Now we get shown how blue fluid works, and get to imagine...and don't worry

Be happy.

Sheesh.

Zee in LA

Minerva said...

Oh shit!
LMAO!
This is too hillarious.

Best!
Claudia X

Nivuska said...

Dear Wendy
I can understaind womens frustrations during their periods infact some of those letters and comments posted on this blog,were probably written while on their periods...!!! I personally think that at least "always" made an effort to make womens life easier during that time of the month.Afterall he's not a doctor threfornot qualified to design and develope"ormonal curing/fixing/anti-criminal tendency pants?".Next,itwill be accused of not understaiding men that are at the receiving end of those ormonal rage behaviour and not doing anything about it !!So get with it women....and change diet.Ormons is a physical thing ..not a piece of clothing !!

Dianna said...

This is so true... I can't believe they put that crap on their pads... its stupid.

Anonymous said...

Wendi, Wendi, Wendi,
Thank god for you and your sparky sense of humor. It was probably the funniest thing I have read in a long time! I share your sentiment but would never be able to relay it so eloquently (tee-hee). When is your book coming out? Brenda in California

Anonymous said...

While funny at times it make me wonder how many thousands of years will it take for some women to embrace their own biology.

Happy, in Hysteritaville said...

I didn't see any "confessions" from this guy on the website. Wendi, I'm pleased to find that you are a real person, & I truly hope you really sent this.
I used their "tell us what you think" page, & this was what I said. I encourage other women to comment to P&G about this stupid advertising.

" "Have a happy period"????
You have GOT to be kidding.
I can not believe you have not yet cancelled this ridiculous, insulting, condescending, IGNORANT advertising.
"Road trip"? "Going to the mall"?
How in the hell are you supposed to do that when you are in too much pain to get out of bed? Do you people have any clue how many women suffer from incapacitating menstrual pain? Have you ever even heard of endometriosis? Adenomyosis?
I'm sure you have received other protests sparked by Wendi Aarons's letter, which has been making the rounds everywhere. She speaks for a lot of us. REALLY a LOT. You are a laughingstock with this idiotic fluffy p.r. nonsense.
Please do something with your advertising that doesn't insult consumers -- your would-be, and in some cases former, customers.
And don't you dare start spamming me with free offers, newsletters, or other fluffbrained nonsense. I had a hysterectomy 2 years ago and got my life back. I laugh all the way down the "feminine hygiene" aisle at the store. I used some leftover Always to wax my car, and frankly, James, they don't work very well for that either."

Sheri said...

Can you believe they still have that ad campaign going? Unbelievable!! I am soo glad I don’t use that brand, I switched from P&G a long time ago because of their stand on animal testing. Seems like their just a bunch of animals anyway. :)

Great letter, hilarious!! You've got a gift!!

nursevl said...

Brilliant!!
I can understand...maybe,"be thankful you got your period." or, "off the hook again until next month", but c'mon!!
How bout "Have another cocktail" ? Now that is appropriate!!
Way to go!!! (Saw on plime, btw)

Chris said...

Honestly, the marketing campains for Always turned me so far off the normal methods of dealing with my period that I've gone strictly to the use of the Diva Cup. Manufactured by women, sold by women, who underSTAND what we deal with. Screw corporate America!!!

I love your letter, and had seen it before. Go Girl!!!

Anonymous said...

http://www.always.com/extras/tvprintads.jsp

The tag line says it all.

The Brand Man Speaks said...

Wendi
A blog colleague (a woman) forwarded me your letter/responses.
Besides being extraordinary funny it was powerful stuff that hopefully was read by someone of authority at P and G.
As an independent branding consultant I write the Brand Man Speaks (twice I was a brand manager in my career--yes snickering is deserved) a guide to the consuming world in which we live. I take consumers and their opinions very seriously and comment extensively about how clueless today's marketing executives really are about their businesses.
I commend you and have forwarded your incredible missive to many branding folks so that they might learn a thing or two.

Anonymous said...

Right on sister!!! When I first saw that commercial I said the same thing...are you fucking kidding me????? There's no such thing as a "happy period"!!! Only a man could come up with such a stupid thing to say!!

Crystal said...

This is hilarious!!

agapemom said...

Add me to the list of those who, "laughed until they cried".

You have a gift!

Anonymous said...

Oh so funny, This has made it's way to Macon, Ga. They could try have a better period, anything but happy!

choff said...

I received this in an email from my girlfriend today. Hilarious! Googling your name I discovered discussions of your letter where there was speculation that you may be a man , since REAL women never have cramps that bad. Even I know better.

Anonymous said...

Well, I 'm a guy who received this letter from a friend of mine. I can attest to and feel for this women. Being the only boy raised with 3 sisters, I was naturalized to this phenomenon at a very young age. (I also learned to pee sitting down so I never forgot to put the seat back down.) I think Mr. Thatcher should have consulted with Mrs. Thatcher before making this decision. Some guys never learn. LOL
Thanks for the laugh, in more ways then one,
Jim

Kristi Smart Romantic Fantasy Coats and Clothing. said...

Your letter makes me laugh every time I read it. You are my hero! I sent it to men I know saying “Send this to the women in your life”. I get an email back from the guys asking why this is funny.
I am normally a peaceful laid back chick.
This month I tried to drive over a young twit standing guard over a parking spot I wanted. Not wanting to end up in jail I settled for cussing her out. She settled for laughing at me. She won.
I also found myself taking advantage of a red light trying to yank out a tampax when the cramps were overwhelming. Don’t cell phone laws apply here? I mean, tampax are supposed to be hands free. Particularly when driving and wearing jeans.
When I got home I replaced the offending device with a pad.. I do like a good pad. That is until you get a stray pube stuck to the glue. Fricken Hell. Its like pulling out nose hairs!
Man... I cant wait for menopause.

Brenda Wood said...

So true, so true!!!!! I can see myself and every female in my acquaintance in every line! Hope you keep writing....we all can use a good belly laugh at "that time of the month".

KarenB1961 said...

Managed to read it without embarassing myself (the snorting and snickering was somewhat audible but thankfully none of the guys were around). She has voiced what most women probably feel is an extremely condescending attitude in marketing about feminine products. Happy Period indeed. And the really stinker part of it is there really IS NO EQUIVILENT for men. Sucks big time. Men go bald (yeah, so do women). Premature Ejaculation? Nocturnal Emissions? Men, never worry about sticky sheets or pajama bottoms from Nocturnal Emissions again. New from Proctor and Gamble, JOCK LINERS! Now with FLEX WINGS!!! No no . . . wait . . . even better. The new JOCK SOCK. Fits comfortably, moves with you, FEELS LIKE YOUR NOT WEARING ANYTHING AT ALL!!!! (even better) ONE SIZE FITS ALL!!!!. I think men should stay out of marketing when it comes to women's products.

Anonymous said...

This is circulating on MySpace and I had to find the author of this hilarious piece of writing! AWESOME! "Put down the hammer" is my favorite part... You rock.
Colleen
San Antonio, TX

Anonymous said...

I saw this open letter just after I had a baby by C-section. For four weeks post partem I had to suffer the indignation of reading "Have a Happy Period"...

While motherhood is wonderful, recovery from birth and a C-section is not, so much. Your letter made me laugh out loud and surely expedited the recovery process.

Thank you.

Jackie said...

Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Too funny, but true! I had the recent experience of purchasing Kotex Security Tampons. Security from what? Perhaps they alert you to a flood in the basement or they can protect you from credit card fraud. Ridiculous. The only way I'd want my tampon to be on security duty is to stop me from biting my husband's head off or from consuming all the left-over Halloween candy!!! Write on, Wendy!!!

L'oCCA said...

Thanks for the giggle.

You know, as a xx marketer complete with all the monthly demon alien body-mind hijakings, I think I can understand P&G's attempt at product brilliance...

Is it just in the acclaimed Poway, CA public school district, or are schools everywhere blaring "Make it a great day. Or not. The choice is yours" messages on loudspeakers? I can see coming into some hideously boring brand meeting after dropping the kids off at school and trying to infuse some of that pollyanna positivity into a less-than-lovely (even if you have embraced your wommanness) product.

The only way the "Make it a Happy Period" message could really fly (current wings notwithstanding) is if the geniouses in R&D did something to the pad to actually make you happy. How about a little xanax that gets absorbed by the blood stream? What would that process be called medically, anyway? "Subclitoral"? Now, there's something to stick on the marketing whiteboard!

Oh shit, should I have patented this brilliance before posting?

;-)

Anonymous said...

The letter was classic. Grade A comedy. I was rolling.

That said...

It's your effen period. It doesn't really matter what is written on your denial devices. You're still going to take it personally.

What do you really want it to say?
"Look! You're bleeding!
...AGAIN!"

Or perhaps a mixed fruit message to bring out whatever is in you.

"Can't you just smell it?"


Or why not just some cutting honesty from the vendor.

"As long as you're buying, we're in it for the long haul. So, when your periods dry up, be sure and check our facial hair remover."

I don't know if they can attach a coupon to the sticky or not...but that might help take your mind off of things. Hell, they could probably just put the words "On Sale" in big white letters with red backing on a peel off and it would still serve its purpose. And half of you would still find a reason to complain.

Don't get me wrong. I think the PSA-ish messages might be of service. Then again, they may just incite those kinds of activities. That's all this world needs is a "my maxi made me do it" written excuse to couple ideas with the already present hormonal imbalance.

Ever tell someone to have a nice day and mean it, but unfortunately that person isn't having a nice day and isn't in the mood to change that on account of your best wishes?

Then again, perhaps the ad does exactly what it's supposed to do...

As long as women are moaning about personal abuse and neglect ala perceptual advertising, they're leaving the rest of us the f--- alone. Personally, I applaud the marketing campaign. It's helping to make the world a better place for everyone else.

Maddy said...

I linked from FDL, being a man with three sisters, a mother, a mother in law, an ex wife(we are strangely enough good friends), two daughters I fully realize that I better get my ass out of the way in some safe place with locks on the door when things start getting dangerous.
Thank you so much for the laugh, I would say I feel your pain but I know which side of the bread the butter is on.

Anonymous said...

or there's always this perspective:

Mr. Thatcher,

I am writing in regard to your oh-so-cute little slogan on the backs of your Always maxi-pads, "Have a Happy Period". Are you aware that for millions of women dealing with infertility, there is NOTHING happy about getting a period? That it is just a painful reminder that yet another month has gone by that we have not conceived a child? That it is another month closer to menopause and the possibility of never having a child of our own? That it's a slap in our faces that the thousands of dollars we just spent on infertility treatment just went down the drain? That the drugs, countless vaginal ultrasounds, needles and surgery we went through just to harvest some eggs was for nothing?

Let me tell you how "thrilled" I was to read your little message this morning, as dear old Aunt Flo arrived with a vengeance 5 days after receiving the news that my Frozen Embryo Transfer did not work and I was not pregnant. Let me tell you how "happy" I was when Aunt Flo arrived after both of my miscarriages. This was after laying out thousands upon thousands of dollars on two In-Vitro Fertilization cycles just to get pregnant to begin with.

Perhaps you can market some maxi-pads for the infertility set. Here are some ideas, free of charge: "Better Luck Next Time", "Keep Trying", "Sorry....so, so sorry", or "Maybe you should adopt".

Or perhaps you can just not have a message on them at all.

Warmest Regards,

Ima Barren

Jessica said...

This is soooo true. A friend sent this to me after I had spent all afternoon, evening, and the next morning in bed with cramps. Truly, I feel like to have someone say "Have a Happy Period" right as you are reaching over to pull out a new pad (after dealing with the mess), trying not to puke because of the pain, and wishing it was all over, is DEFINITELY adding insult to injury. I mean come on, how happy would guys be to be bleeding from anywhere for 5 or more days. "Have a happy nosebleed," does that make sense to you?

Anonymous said...

I laughed out loud while reading this. It was just sent to me in an email and I had to google to see if it was real. HILARIOUS!!!!!

I am subscribing to your blog!

Tony said...

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

My partner has shown me her pads with this message on them and thought WTF were they thinking???

My second thought was "Only a male can be that dum to put such absolute nonsense on such a product"... ( I am a male BTW)

I work in the medical field so am well aware how painfull a time it can be (not to mention my 65 nieces and aunties), also my wonderful partner can be testy during this time - my point you wonder? This James Thatcher caracter cannot be married (or have a female partner for that matter, in his life in the past) otherwise he would have thought twice about that bungle...

I still cant believe how silly some people can be when it comes to marketing...

Have you had a personal reply as yet from this chap?

Once again Bravo on your letter!

Seanette said...

Great letter, Wendi! I just wonder why the [bleep] things have to have ANY message at all? (And I hate those idiot wings, too. They stick to my skin better than they do to my underwear, and the hair-pulling really hurts!) Obviously, P&G failed to consult any actual women on this one.

Punkinhead said...

Thank you so much Wendi! I laughed, I cried! Jon Stewart should hire you to write for him. Or maybe Amy Sedaris.

So I'm in bed tonight, savoring a little Dove dark chocolate, and I read the sweet comment inside the wrapper: "Don't think about it so much". And I've decided Dove chocolate sayings could be interchangable with Always Maxi-pad sayings.

There's always this alternative: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=8705285

Anonymous said...

To which Mr. Thatcher replies:

Dear Ms. Aarons,
Thank you for your insightful feedback concerning our subliminal advertising as printed on our products. In review of this oversight, I have discussed with our Marketing division, to amend this insensitive ad copy. Starting in the next few months we will be adopting a new campaign similar to what Mars Candy has done with their very own M&M's brand of candy! Soon you will be able to print special "personal" captions on this product by going to our new website...

www.alwayspmsing.com

May we offer this new personal service to help you get through this very difficult and uncomfortable period in a woman's life. It's free and you'll be able to add whatever caption you wish. May we suggest the following:

"Can't touch this!"
"Back off, I'm more than pissed"
"Hang on, give me a sec to load this thing..."
"Say one more stupid thing and I'll make Lorrana Bobett look like a princess"

and our ever popular one, Inspired by you!:

"Let me know how long to leave your balls in the George Forman Grill"

We hope you'll find this new service both creative and enlightening. It's certainly our goal to be as accommodating as the needs of our customers demand.

Sincerly.
Mr. Dickhead

jerseygirlnky said...

Well, the period may not be a happy time, but at least you can be happy in knowing you are protected as well as you say you are with their brand of maxi pads. I think too big a deal was made of this whole thing...but it did make me laugh...yet another thing to be happy about I guess!

Anonymous said...

hahahahaha that's amazing! i use always myself and cringe whenever i open the pad and take that off of the wings of the pad. I'm amazed that you wrote that to him, that's amazing!

Anonymous said...

Someone should tell this guy, no uterus, no opinion!!

rea said...

Fantastic. Our office also loved it. My husband is probably going to make me get a tattoo that says Put Down The Hammer...

I'm pleased to see that you are a real person :-)

Rock on!

Anasta said...

I applaud you on your letter! There is not a woman out there who feels differently from the words you used to express a "Happy Period". I'll be passing this email around to spread the good word!

Anonymous said...

This was so perfect. It's been a long time since something e-mailed to me actually had me laughing out loud!

I had to share it with my husband who works at P&G here in Cincinnati. He's passing it around his office where several people who used to work in the FemCare Division.

Tricia said...

Great letter! I had to link to it from my blog! :) The thing I don't get is I've worked in consumer products marketing in the past and stuff like this goes through tons of consumer concept testing before it ever hits production. So what women were they testing this slogan on and what the hell was wrong with them that they didn't all say a resounding NO WAY?

Anonymous said...

Well thankfully I am post menopausal now... and I say thankfully because the only HAPPY PERIOD I ever got was when I was single and found that I did not get accidentally pregnant, or after I was married, learning how to hit the period button on my keyboard rather than the comma button. Amazing isn't it that men are such experts on female hemmoraging on a montly basis. What kind of maxi pad ,James, would you design for the tip of the male penis to make this a HAPPY MALE experience? Hmmm.. now THERE'S a real aerodynamic quandry. If you figure that out, or better yet how to turn this lovely HAPPY time of the month for all women into a MALE experience that we can all celebrate together,, well.. jiminy..I bet you could run for President, ( of the USA, Not of P&G) and WIN! In fact I bet you could petiton to be GOD !! Since it is SUCH a happy time for all of us women I really am sure that the country, hell, the world, would agree with me that we should ALL be able to experience it and CELEBRATE it and have designated HAPPY PERIOD national holidays! Gosh.. wouldn't that be awesome?? What a platform to base your campaign upon.. I know I would vote for you and I am a democrat for heaven's sake.. takes a lot to sway me from the good old boys side but for that alone,I could be swayed and without regret.. in fact I think we could make T-shirts to celebrate you AND the Happy Times ! What do you think James? Could you get some of your men on that t-shirt design before the next time of the month rolls around? Or barring that.. LADIES.. all of you ( not working for P&G obviously)who have acknowledged the genius letter written by Wendy from texas..what do you think about us all ganging.. ooopppsss , I mean grouping together and coming up with a wearable campaing all our female own, seeking some empathetic financing and producing the above mentioned?? I personally think we are on to something here.. lets make some money off the $8 per month none of us will be spending anymore.. email me at chook_chook2001@yahoo.com
Meanwhile James, like I said, I am writing this PAST my HAPPY PERIOD days, so I am not raging with a shotgun, only a keyboard where I can actually find the period button.. HAPPILY! Cheers!

Tam said...

Quote from anonymous...

Rock on sister! Any moron who puts the words "happy" and "period" next to each other in a sentence deserves to be nuetered!!!


I must remember to redraft a Picasso article accordingly.

Anonymous said...

I read the letter. And then I read the comments. And suddenly I no longer feel alone in the world.

Erik said...

Well done. As a male I was immediately skeptical of this being a hoax or urban myth. Once I realized it was no such thing I went looking for the ad campaign and when I saw it I was baffled by the lack of insight Proctor & Gamble obviously have.

This is quite possibly one of the most inane marketing schemes I have seen.

On behalf of sane men (the few of us there are) great letter.

And to any other fabulously idiotic marketing teams out there...think about what you advertise BEFORE you have a go at it...okay?

Anonymous said...

Absolutely brilliant.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for making me laugh my ass off as I read this letter. I so agreee with a previous post that the "have a happy period" comment is akin to writing "happy bowel movement" on the side of Prep H boxes....get real! Truly hysterical and brilliant!!!

Anonymous said...

Get on the pill and you barely know you have a period...For me it's just a 4 day thing that's a slight pain in the a**. No pain.

Anonymous said...

Little F-16's in your pants there Wendi???---sounds like "highway to the danger zone"...Great bit & lots of laughs--keep up the fine writing--I'll keep reading.

Anonymous said...

yea, like we enjoy having our periods. Of course, for those that enjoy men's company, it might bring happiness for not being pregnant. Or for some of course, sadness.
But sometimes I wanna stick a vaccuum up there and pull it all out. I get laughs at home when I'm all crampy from my brother. Some family members complain if I leave the discarded tapes lying around. Yet, they leave the seat up!!
I don't mind having pads exist that work, but I seldom ever had a happy period.

Inga said...

You rule. I think Always should have a contest to allow women to write in suggestions for comments to be written on in the inside of their maxi pads. We could storm the lobby of their corporate office, week after week for a month, with sign-up sheets so that every week it's a group of women who are all on their periods at the same time.

Or maybe pms week would be better, seeing as I'd rather sit on a lounge chair in my sweats in their lobby than protest.

Which might also be a good idea... A lounge chair and sweats sit-in outside their corporate office. Complete with chocolate, salty snacks, and sawed-off shotguns.

Let's discuss.

Miss X said...

If they put out some pads marked "Put down the hammer," I would totally buy those.

SO funny. Thanks for an out loud belly laugh.

Anonymous said...

I am so proud of you for speakin out. I watched commericials plenty of times and always wonder why the hell these girls are so happy running on the beach and doing things like if she ain't in any sort of pain or her mind ain't has f**k up as mine. I know for a fact when I am on my period I am a different kind of women and sometimes I bleed so much I need to wear a tampon and a pad at the same time.

Anonymous said...

I'm a man who has worked in a females profession (is there such a thing) as an RN. And, I always told my co-workers, "Thank God I was born a man".
Thought the letter was a scream and my wife had to read it too.

Knit+i+tron said...

men are fucking morons.

even during pregnancy scares - no period is happy. its hell. you're bleeding for god's sake - whats so special about that.

maybe they should include lotto tickets in them instead of patronizing statements....

Marlene said...

OMG!!!!! I sent a link for this to all my female friends. I want my hubby to read it but he's a neanderthal and can't read and won't get it like most men. If ya can't tell from that I'm sporting a f16 starting today. GRRRRRRR. My hubby is cowering in the corner. lol. Great comentary on how stupid advertising can really be. Marlene

Jan said...

Preach it Sista!!!
How deliciously, magnificently well said. Although my uterus is long gone - I almost felt cramps while reading - probably from laughing my fool head off...
You are a precious gal.
Jan

Jan said...

P.S. on a serious note you should have asked them to put
Emergency # For Immediate HELP
Trafficking Information & Referral Hotline 1.888.3737.888
Women who are trafficked into the sex trade use pads too...
Jan again

KatinCleveland said...

Wendi,

This letter is amazing. Thank you. I, too, would much prefer "put down the hammer" to "have a happy period." Being able to tear off that adhesive backing strip and seeing something humorous would definitely make me feel better.

Anonymous said...

i didn't read all of the various comments, so sorry if I am repeating someone else's.

I recommend to you and all other women with their periods to get a diva cup. It is a soft silicone cup which makes a perfect seal inside you and catches your period. I only have to empty it/check it twice a day. There is no chance of Toxic shock syndrome, it's clean, easy, and you cheap! you buy one once ($35) and can use it for 10 years or more. All my friends have ones now and love them too! Check out divacup.com for more information if you so desire!
good luck!

Lissa Jane said...

Oh my god, I am nearly peeing myself here.. fancy a bloke being in charge of womens business?????? and secret womens business too.. the bastars.. our pads in Australia have interesting facts printed on the back.. I mean, how can you tell in company an interesting fact.. your friend says 'where did you hear that?' my reply is 'Oh from the Libra institute, the disposable encyclopedia'....
I'll be sure to come back and visit your blog, you are a HOOT and a CLASSIC



Lissa
I hate the ads too, who feels like scuba diving, swimming, sky diving etc when you feel like your innards are being squeezed in a vice...

Anonymous said...

http://www.thegrumble.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=1299&d=1204569347

Anonymous said...

This is so very funny! and brilliantly written, I could imagine you writing about all sorts of everyday situations with great humour and wit, BUT!!!!!!!and here is the BUT!! the "brains" behind this 'have a happy period' campaign knew what they were doing!!! look at the response!!!! their idea worked

Anonymous said...

Dear James,

I'm guessing a man made the happy period commercial because I can't think of one women that would tell you they have a happy period. I personally use always maxi pads and nope can't remember one time I was happy. What were you thinking.

Kari C in SC said...

Oh my goodness! I loved this! Absolutely hysterical! Thank you so much for making my day.

Melissa said...

Their new slogan should be "Men don't suffer enough."
Way to go, Wendi! : )

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Wendi! I actually swore at the powers that be, knowing that they be men, when I first saw that ridiculous message on my maxi pad. Being peri-menopausal, having unbearable cramps and a heavy flow that resembled a murder scene, I was just outraged at the "Have a happy period" message. A stream of obscenities flew from my mouth that would have made a sailor blush. I immediately called my sister, who has had a hysterectomy (lucky her) and blew off some steam about that insane message. I could just picture "the guys" sitting in a large conference room, around the table, and trying to find their feminine sides which led them to come up with such assholery. Thank you for saying it all for me and for all women who don't find this time of the month to be particularly happy.

kryx said...

There is joy in getting a period actually.

Particularly for people who are trying NOT to get pregnant.

And their "fail-safe" method(s) failed.

;)

But this was a very amusing post.

Dy said...

You totally made my day!! Many thanks!!!

Jesse Edwards said...

Very true! The only happiness in my period is the fact that since I'm not trying to get pregnant, I'm not. Other than that though...yes I could forever live without someone telling me to have a happy period. Especially now know that it comes from a man!

Candace said...

Just got your letter attached to an email...quit funny. Did you really send it? It put a much needed smile on my face :-)

Dan said...

Excellent; totally fabulous. Great writing and fabulous wit. It is our duty -- woman and man -- to let the air out of inflated middle management and idiotic marketing mumbleheads.

That said, I do propose a follow-up to this letter, along this line: "Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have reconsidered my views about giving up your product forever. If you would kindly replace each 'Have a Nice Period' notice with a prescription and coupon for 12 free tablets of Vicodin, I will reconsider becoming a customer."

Regards,
Dan

Anonymous said...

This was the perfect letter. When I saw that "Have a Happy Period" I was ready to kill the dumb ass that thought it was a good idea. Way to go Wendi, I could not have said it any better.

Thank you so much

Anonymous said...

Woooooow. That is so true. I am always fighting the urge to kill k=just any man I see if not a certain one for no reason. I have never used Always (due to my high dislike of how they fit my body and make me feel so uncomfortable) but still, "Happy Period?" IS THAT MAN OUT OF HIS LITTLE MIND?!?! I mean seriosuly, the woman has a point, something she said would have been not only better fit but probably a tad funnier maybe by chance calming our sadistic thoughts. Thus another reason wshy I will never use Always. Hip-hip-hooray for Kotex!

uncail ruadh said...

Your letter was truly funny! I always amazes me to discover how disconnected some corporate types are from real people.

What's next Advil presents www.migrainemirth.com - with "Advil- we put the mirth back in migraines"?

Or Pepto Bismal advertising, "Now with Bazooka Joe on the label- we're the only diarrhea treatment with riddles, brain teasers, and quips on the label to keep you happy while you're feeling crappy"

Anonymous said...

Hey, sister, relax! Maybe it WOULD be nice if you could have a happy period? Your period is a sign of a healthy body. Ever think about that? After a hysterectomy for cancer, I have been in menopause since my twenties. Don't like cramps? Try vaginal dryness, now that is a lovely sensation. I'd love to have a happy period again. Maybe you all could try yoga, meditation, ibuprofen, taking a walk, hanging out with a friend, or just being grateful and counting your blessings. You sound so angry and hateful and self-righteous. So, goodbye--- I would say, "have a great day", but I don't want to offend anyone & lighten up, no pun intended.

Banana said...

I keep getting this letter forwarded to me in my email, so I thought I should google something about it just to see if it is true or another one of those baby rattlesnakes in the ball-pit things.

I am SO GLAD, so very very glad that you are REAL! I knew you had to be!

Radhika said...

OH.MY.GAWD...I thought I was the only one who ever saw that, like seriousl "Have a happy period?" What the fuck was this guy on when he decided that...well I can say that the guy hasn't gotten any in a LOOOOONG time ever since he freaking used that slogan since really...what woman wants to shag a bloke who thinksthey can have a "happy" period.
Seriously, your in too much pain to walk, you've thrown up 2 times already in the day from pain, you can't even keep fucking ICE CREAM down (yes this has happened to me), your head is spinning, you're on the verge of crying your eyes out, you want to gut yourself, and your hormones are going insane...so that said your sitting there having to clean up a disgusting mess, then u reach for a new pad which is SUPPOSED to make you feel BETTER and FRESHER, and ALL you can zero in on...is "Have a happy period" written...20 times...across the backing. Does Thatcher know how many women want to rip out his intestines and hang him with them...i think we might all have a (not happy) DECENT period if they handed that little freak over to us to deal with.
Most of you shoul feel a little better than me though, I'm assuming your older than I am what with talk of husbands, you only have a few more years girls...you can do it...and I...am 17...woo for me i have about 30 or more years left...fucking YAY...
Wendi you are seriously one of the most amazing people ever, please keep writing.

crysatl said...

Wendi,
You are hysterical!! I received the letter from my sister, who sent it to many of her friends and I had my 15 year old daughter read it.....she totally busted out laughing .........."Aunt Flo" gets her bad each month!!! It really made our week!!!!!!! You are funny!! It's sooooooooo true, men just do not get it!!!

Anonymous said...

ha ha ha hah ahahahahahahah

Anonymous said...

Wow ...cool letter ....after reading the comments ..ya know why not put a coupon for some ice cream or something in one of the pads...anything to try and make it a better week.....

Anonymous said...

I love a girl who knows how to suffer. Call me. I just know we'll be happy together.
ps if you think you've suffered before, wait till our first date!

Anonymous said...

I don't agree. Yeah it's a funny little letter, but come ON women! Get control of yourselves and your bodies! You got PMS? Deal with it. Get your hormones balanced. Change your diet. See a doctor. Quit using PMS as an excuse to stuff your face with sugar, moan about how miserable you feel and fly off into a rage because you grown adult women don't feel the need to control yourselves. Acting like lunatics and then reveling in it like it's your RIGHT makes women look weak, pathetic and untrustworthy.
Using your period as an excuse to be a total bitch is ridiculous. And yeah, I'm a woman. Yeah I get periods. It's a fact of life-- deal with it and stop making yourselves look like total nutjobs every month

Anonymous said...

This was read on a radio morning show I listen to just a couple days ago! Everyone was calling in to say how hilarious it was, and I have to say, I nearly ran off the road listening to it.

Kudos! Thanks for the laughs!

mia said...

I don't use Always maxis but I'm sure that would piss me off everytime - especially sitting in the possition you're in when you have to use it. G-double o-d-j-o-b, good job, good job.

Gypsy said...

The post was great and so spot on! It gets better however. There is a new print ad campaign "Put leaks to bed" with a maxi pad as a bed complete with purple blanket, nightstand and light. Bla bla bla copy ended with "Sweet Dreams" and the tagline of course 'Have a happy period"

The marketing geniuses strike again.

Corrina said...

I don't remember the last time I laughed that hard!! EVERY time I see those ridiculous commercials telling me to have a HAPPY PERIOD, I want to climb a water tower with a rifle and pick people off like beer cans.

If it weren't for 800 mg ibuprofen, I would be all over the news.

Sandi said...

OMG this was laugh out loud funny! Those days are finally gone for me - thank God!

Diane said...

In agreement.... Now that I am facing the end of Aunt Flo or as some women(girls) would call it My Friend, which I could never understood because it is not my friend. With friends like that who needs enemies. You tell it like it is. There is nothing to be happy about. The bloating, the craziness and crying even drives me crazy. Only a man could write something like that. Sorry was that sexist. No matter, Wendy, thank you, thank you for telling it like it is. I couldn't stop laughing. Oh, by the way the wings don't really work.

Anonymous said...

Dear God, I started the day before my (college) finals and was ready to kill everybody I saw, honestly, who can study in this condition? Then I consoled myself by watching a LOT of television, when that commercial came on I nearly bust one! Oddly enough I got this letter emailed to me not two hours later.

Anonymous said...

This is true and a reflection on how you should never trust a man to do a woman's job! I am a PR and communications major and the slogan "have a happy period" is a classic example of careless and sloppy advertising and brand management, not to mention condescending on the part of males towards women's health and issues in general. Your letter was very well written. Thanks.

Much respect
Masroora

Angela said...

You, Wendi, are a hero amongst women. Your letter is the best thing to come out of that inane ad campaign. I mean really, whats to be happy about? Maybe the first time, when my grandmother proceeded to call all our relatives (male and female) to let them know that I was a woman now? Or the time I leaked right through my useless Always pad during PE, where our sadist of a teacher had us crawling around on the floor? Oh, the nicknames that ensued. Or perhaps the time I was on vacation with my family, and wasn't allowed to go in the hotel pool because my mother thought I was a bit too young to start using tampons. And that was just the beginning, it's been downhill from there. I won't even get into the eighteen months my husband and I were trying to conceive our son.

Let me tell ya, if the 'Have a happy period' slogan had been around back then, someone's head would have rolled. I needed a 'Have a shot of whiskey and coupon for ovulation predictors' message, not that sort of garbage.

So thank you. The group of idiots who got together and decided that would make a good slogan should be taken out back and flogged.

Anonymous said...

I know having the period is no picnic, but sometimes I feel that some women overeact. It's not the end of the world. I have had terrible periods, even hemorrhages when all I wanted to do was lie in bed and sleep, because of the loss of blood, but I think some women overreact and think of it as the time of the month when they can be bitchy and get away with it.

Anonymous said...

"Anonymous said...

I know having the period is no picnic, but sometimes I feel that some women overeact. It's not the end of the world. I have had terrible periods, even hemorrhages when all I wanted to do was lie in bed and sleep, because of the loss of blood, but I think some women overreact and think of it as the time of the month when they can be bitchy and get away with it."

Well, Anonymous... aren't we just the little ray of f*cking sunshine!!! It must be hard for you, being a man and all... because the only hemorrhage you'll ever experience is the one when you get an icepick through your temple!!

Suz said...

I just received your letter in the form of a chain mail from a friend.
Not only did it make me laugh long and hard, but it moved me to find out who you are. Great writing,Wendi. I've sent your blog
address to many, many friends.
Happy Summer!

Anonymous said...

OMG this was laugh out loud funny! My days are finally ended
June 10/ 06 for me - thank God!
I never thought of myself as being bitchy when i was on mine, but after my surgery...my three daughters broke it to me gently.. and I was blessed to have a supportive husband/family. My poor man just walks when my duaghters begin to act like strangers...but thanks again for making my day with your letter. you are a fantastic writer!!

Anonymous said...

Ooooh :lol: Thank you!
bibi

Mascha (The Netherlands) said...

And of course there is no way that Always is gonna change their campaign after comments from women. In Holland they've put the slogan to new use in their latest campain.... maybe a post to their website from you're great letter will help... I'll try.

UnsureExposure said...

This letter was what originally brought me to your blog. And I'm glad it did. You're hilarious! :)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

WAY to good not to comment! i just loved this letter! kudos to you!!!

2Grandmas2 said...

I haven't had a period in years but I do have three daughters who still have them. Why, I remember the time (just like it was yesterday), that we all lived in the same house and would up on pretty much the same cycle. It wasn't pretty. I won't bore you with the details, but we haven't seen their father in years (just kidding)(really!)(ok, we're divorced).

Have you seen the Always website???? They seem to be pushing forward with this campaign

Anonymous said...

Thank you, for "voicing" what the rest of us were thinking!

stefficus said...

i really don't have any trouble with my monthly cycle. i don't cramp, i don't mood swing, i very rarely get migraines, i don't bloat, i'm regular enough to avoid accidents...

that said: i am BLEEDING from my CROTCH, people. woo, happy. do they understand what pads and tampons are actually used for, or do they think we're using them to absorb inoffensive blue liquid from a beaker?

yeah, look at the response. we all know the commercial. but in this case, name recognition means we're carefully spending our money someplace else. i don't care how many people are talking about your ad campaign, this is NOT the response that means it's "working".

Liz said...

this is great. I posted it on my blog. You are a very funny writer. I nearly peed in my pants when I read this post. I also forwarded it to just about anyone that I thought would appreciate it.
Read about your recent trip to the hub of the universe. You got the whole Boston thing down pat. My husband is from there and I lived there for many many years. When we moved to the Northwest it was kinda odd not having people flip you off on the freeway all the time. And it was VERY weird having people say "have a nice day" instead of scowling at you.

Anonymous said...

hahaha..... yes!! This is hillarious.

StephanieG said...

Wendy, I have forwarded this post to a dozen or more friends, and every time I do, I read it again. Once again, you have saved my day. Maybe even my week. I so needed a laugh first thing this crappy cold Monday morning. Happy period, indeed.

Nancy said...

I've received a copy of this twice from my girlfriend, and each time I rock with laughter. Thank you for your wit. And you may not have noticed, but they got rid of that little slogan (at least on the Always that I buy). Way to go!

Anonymous said...

Rock on Sistah! Haven't seen the message on the pad. I'm in recession mode and by the store brand. I practically peed my pants when I read this. I was cackling so loudly my husband had to come and read it. And he totally agrees about Grey's Anatomy being written by drunken chimps.

Anonymous said...

For a woman who doesn't want babies at this stage of her life, I have to say every month I look forward to my period. I would rather have one week a month of misery than 18 straight years!!

Anonymous said...

THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SO TRUE TOO!!!!

Anonymous said...

I've gotta tell you...I was literally just discovering "Aunt Flo's visit" a few hours before reading this email so the timing is perfect. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have opened up an Always pad and CURSED at the adhesive backing...

The only "happy period" I have is the one that comes on the heels of an "oops" session...and that elation lasts maybe two hours tops.

:-)

Anonymous said...

That was a truly hilarious letter. Great job, and good for you for shedding some light on the half of the human race.....wow, seriously. HAPPY PERIOD, there is an oxymoron if I have ever heard one.

thanks again!! I will remember it ALWAYS!!

Helen said...

the funny thing is that the have a happy period sticker is on the back of the adhesive so when your trying to put that huge pad in your underwear with your legs spread simultaneously trying to keep your ass over the toilet your hit with reading that bullshit

i love it!!

Anonymous said...

You are brilliant! I think this was one of the times where I actually spit on the computer screen from laughter.

Nina in Ohio said...

Maybe now with the power of blogging (combined with email, twitter, etc.) men will start dispensing with the "good old boy network" and actually hire women to market what they know best.

And take it from a woman about to turn 50 - one day you'll be menopausal and won't have to deal with those periods anymore!! You'll still have the urge to turn homocidal at times, but you'll just have hot flashes instead of periods! ;-) Can't wait, can ya?

Anonymous said...

'Well, Anonymous... aren't we just the little ray of f*cking sunshine!!! It must be hard for you, being a man and all... because the only hemorrhage you'll ever experience is the one when you get an icepick through your temple!!"

Did you even read the comment you were responding to? Her stating
"I have had terrible periods, even hemorrhages when all I wanted to do was lie in bed and sleep, because of the loss of blood" must surely trigger some sense of recognition that it was a woman leaving the comment.

On the bright side, with an angry, partially illiterate approach to people, no one will ever know then difference once your cycle hits.

Wendi - Wonderful post, it brought some cheer into a day where I am otherwise thoroughly exhausted.

pjr959 said...

Go Girl, this letter was and is too funny. I am now 50 years old, don't remember ever having a Happy Peiod, ALWAYS (no punn intended)had PMS and now experiencing the sweet perimenopause years. Mr. Thatcher perhaps you need to hire Wendi to produce your television commercials.....Women all over the world would not only be laughing their ass off but your sales would probably skyrocket! Think about it.
Pam Reid Nova Scotia

You Could Win A Home! said...

Wendi may indeed be this generations Erma Bombeck -- and this is the greatest compliment I can bestow upon an author of this genre. Keep on keepin' on and I hope to see an anthology soon.

Anonymous said...

:) Have a happy period indeed! I bet that ad was put togeher to encourage men to go out and buy the product to present to the females in their life.....evil laugh here.. cant you just see the repucussions of that one?
Well ! way to go girl!

Mama Dawg said...

I would totally, totally, totally throw my consumerism behind any feminine product that actually gave sound advice like you described. I think any company that did that would show profits through the roof!

tekgreg said...

Proctor & Gamble better blow this up to three feet high, frame it and have it read by every manager that works in the department! Until women do exactly what this letter suggests and vote with their wallets, idiocy like this will continue to ooze from corporate America while they roll in the profits. Bravo to you for delivering this notice to not tolerate their applied idiocy with such aplomb! Keep up the good work while we await Proctor & Gamble's witty reply.

Warinda said...

Fucking hilarious and eloquently put!

Menstration Magician said...

Wendi...Congrats on the 'call to arms'...or pads as it may be. Funny we should run into each other. So...since you are now on the open market so-to-speak...I was wondering if wouldn't mind having a look at this. We have a product, just released to the USA market...that has been designed to hopefully help women during those 'troubled' times. Earth friendly anion technology built into plastic-free women's sanitary napkins. It's brilliant really, and the quality is at it's finest...combating together with women to bring a little 'comfort' throughout her most 'uncomfortable' time. This company most certainly 'gets it'. Thanks for the laughs by the way!
http://www.abundant-life-strategies.com or email me direct at dan@abundant-life-strategies.com

Shop Trinacria said...

I actually just put down my hammer to read this and I agree. Who the Fu@* thought of that line and thought it was a great idea to say "Have a happy period". It was obviously a man's decision to post cutesy saying on the flaps. They think we need motivation to slap that baby on to wear.

Well, they lost my money the moment I saw that truly...I am a stayfree girl now. So I hope they have a happy accounting day without my money in their pocket. I hope you don't mind if I shared it with Aunt Flo's other Nieces.

Truly a gem of a letter.

vrakodar said...

This post made my day. I wonder what was Mr. James Thatcher's response.

It also reminds me of an episode 2 years back. I was fresh out of college, right into a small design-cum-ad firm. My very first assignment was this pitch for new Sanitary Napkin brand. I was required to come up with the name and branding concept for it. What was noticeable was the fact that in this entire pitch no woman was actively involved. So it was basically 4-5 guys pooling their ideas on the matter. It was hilarious as well as disturbing. Hilarious, because of what all I got to hear about how the other guys perceived the subject. Disturbing, because of the same. One of the names suggested at one point was believe it or not, Dracs {after Dracula}. It was hailed as out-of-the-box thinking, but later it was accepted that it will not work in the "Indian" market and we should probably pitch it to some Japanese Novelty Sanitary Napkin Company. Why would any woman buy a Novelty Sanitary Pad was not given much thought. Nor did the fact, that no matter how advanced and open a society may be, some things are just not cool, especially buying sanitary napkins called Dracs. I mean would any of you girls buy it? Imagine what the commercial would have been.

Even though it did not make any sense that there was no active participation or invitation to the fairer sex in this pitch, I went ahead and gave my proposal for the Sanitary Napkin which I thought at the time was awesome, but now I think is a little cheezy. The idea was that the product made your day sail "without" any trouble. So, playing on the word "without", the brand was named Sans - Women Without Worry. To see the logo > http://www.flickr.com/photos/vrakodar/3284474762/

At the end though, the clients themselves gave up the idea of manufacturing Sanitary Napkins. I guess they decided to stick to their Saree manufacturing and gave up their dreams of women empowerment.

LadybugFaerie said...

Great letter!!! Had me laughing the whole way through... except for one part.

As one of those "sick S&M freak girls," I must say, even we don't like our periods!!! Unless you're even MORE of a sick freak than me (which I will admit they're out there). LMAO

Vel said...

OMG I'm dying...thanks for making my day!

sara said...

Truly one of the best things I've read in a while

"vehicular manslaughter is wrong"
that's just wonderful.


I got my period at the water-park the other day. All the maxi-pads and tampons in the world could not have possibly made that a happy day. All bloated in a bikini.

kayeffdee said...

I don't know about you people, but having to pop a few midol and deal with a diva cup for a few days is NOTHING compared to being knocked up. Every month, when my period arrives, I celebrate with a drink and a cigarette... just because I can.

Etiquette Bitch said...

OMG, this is THE BEST. Um, I wanna know why P+G's brand manager for maxi pads isn't a *woman*? Cripes.

I have a problem buying P+G products since: 1) they are the evil empire, 2) they are the worst with animal testing.

i think i'm going to join you in your protest, and the always line will now see a $16 decrease in profits monthly.

Dave Morris said...

My (female) friend sent me this, and as a guy I can't really know the full depth of your ire, but I thought you did a great rant!

Grey's Anatomy is written by drunken chimps btw.

Kirsten said...

Bravo, madam, bravo. Since the only time I've ever missed a period (think Old Faithful) was when I was pregnant (Oh, fun), Always will be losing an additional $8 a month as I take my business elsewhere.

Kirsten said...

p.s. I was in the Army. Your letter made me want to staple a copy to my former battalion commander.

Anonymous said...

i did enjoy the humor in the rant. **also, we could consider having a happy period.** now, i am not one to support the maxi-pad industry, as this is just one more way to absorb the money of women in an attempt to mask who we are (a rant for a different day), but consider this:

we have a happy period, and we take the power back. take back the shame, the weakness, and see it for what it is...

we, as women, give birth to life and are godesses of fertility and life. think about it, just for a minute. we are sisters, and together, our menstral cycle, is what brings life, miracles, and new creation each second, of every single day.

let's celebrate who we are, stop buying the fucking maxi pads, turn off the damned television(!!!) and celebrate the beauty that is our essence.

in sisterhood, angela lawrence

Anonymous said...

That was really funny! Gotta put my two cents in, though. While I realize that many women suffer from painful cramps that leave them less than thrilled with their "time of the month", I have a serious problem with the whole "curse" mindset that says periods should be dreaded and suffered through, that women are so hormonal that they are no longer rational people. I think that's a very patriarchal view of menstruation.

For centuries, men have been mystified by women's bodies and cycles and they fear (and ridicule) what they do not understand. Over time, and with the help of the church, the view that women are "unclean" and that menstruation is a curse from god has taken hold in our minds. In pagan times, a woman's "moontime" was a symbol of how closely linked to the cycles of the moon and ocean she was and, hence, how close to the goddess.

There was a time when menstruating women were considered so powerful that they were asked to segregate themselves from the rest of the tribe or clan until they were done bleeding.

Since I became sexually active, I have looked forward to my monthly reminder that I am not pregnant. Many times, it has sent me to my knees in gratitude. Getting my period signals an end to the week of bloating and moodswings I endure before the bleeding starts. When I have my period, my sex drive amps up and I feel pretty good, actually. Not psycho, not weak, just strong and, well, horny.

So I guess I would rather read "Have a happy period" than watch yet another Summer's Eve commercial try to make me feel dirty and ashamed. Let's see a rant about that!

Samsara said...

Dear Wendy, Thank you so much, I found your letter in another website, but I did post it (more like copy/pasted it) to my blog www.leservice.blogspot.com. I am still laughing and now I am determined to collect all this letters/comments and start an anti campaign. I like you a lot!

Anonymous said...

so when i was younger i was always the late bloomer. and i really wanted my period. idk everyone else had it. and then the day came when i did. and i opened the product and on the lable it said "have a happy period" and well i was like random? and a few months later into this i was sick of it. and it was horrble the embarassment of thinking am i leaking? and so i went to the product and there it said mocking me in my face have a happy period. SCREW THAT! and i was like wth? are you serious? like "." is not :) not something to mock about at all. and yet who ever did come up with this saying i think, oh they'll laugh. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA hb no?!?!!! wendi you are my hero! if the person who said have a happy period was a lady they're about slinking in their chairs afriad that someday someone will leak it was her. and an anry mob with pitchforks and fire will run after her. and if it's a man? well men are always doomed. =] congrats

Anonymous said...

Post on their jock straps "sweet dreams" Glad I am post menopausal and don't have to put up with that male corporate bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

tornadolessons said...

I'm coming into the time period of monthly suckage and completely sympathize. This e-mail made me cramp from laughing, which is a nice change.

fyryred said...

Wendy,

You rock. I just had a female lobotomy (hysterectomy) in Dec 09 and decided the always pads in my cupboard needed to go this past week. I put them in the women's restroom at work so my unfortunate menstruating younger comrades could have a blissful, sexy period. Ha!!!!! I wonder if men invented feminine hygiene products and pantyhose.

Dena said...

OMG I thought that the letter was hilarious. I had to run and read it to my hubby and he is rolling on the floor laughing. You are an amazing writer, I hope to see more from you. Bravo!!

Suzy said...

Kudos to the woman who made the CEO of tampons and pads cringe and, then cringe some more! Kudos to the woman who liberated other women, who can now say: PERIODS ARE NOT A HAPPY TIME, IDIOT!

Alta said...

It's 2010 and I just reeived this letter as a forward. I am also postmenapausal. What a terribly funny letter. I reread it to laugh and remember back to the time I also wanted to rip out my ovaries and commit homicide. Thank you for your humor!!

StarbucksRoastedCylons said...

Wendi,

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. How appropriate that I was sent this letter just as my own week of insanity was picking up speed. I am armed with plenty of coffee, chocolate, Motrin and my good friend the heating pad. God help anyone dumb enough to come between me and these things. I cannot accurately describe just how wonderful your letter made me feel, especially because right now I feel anything but wonderful. I think if I had opened a pad to read "Have a Happy Period" I probably would have ripped the thing to shreds, and then taken the thing to the trash while cursing up a storm. I about died laughing when I got to "put the hammer down".

laura said...

Thank you for saying what 98-100% of all women would like to say. You did it so well!!
The only happy thought of a period is that it will eventually stop!!! I would like to know why men think they can tell what women want (or don't want). I personally do not like the 'wings' as all it does is pull the 'flo' down and under on to my panties which is what i am trying to prevent in the 1st place. Men need to remember that they are from Mars and will never 'get it'...just like childbirth, it is the stronger sex that must deal with these issues!!

Joke Vermanen said...

Thank you!
You really made my day to!
Because every period is one step closer to surgery for me, i have endometriosis and with that a period is NEVER happy!
Also because i want to be pregnant.
So every time i see that commercial i act like i am having my period en throw the remote to the tv....

D Babbit said...

BRILLIANT! Your letter is now circulating on Facebook, and I just about wet my pants laughing. I am post-menopausal now, THANKFULLY, and no longer have to deal with anything related to a period except for the one on my keyboard! I am also thankful I no longer have to worry about those wings making my undies want to fly around the room! LOVED the F-16 image! ROFL

Also, have been reading the comments, and just want to add a note to those complaining that women need to grow up and stop whining when Aunt Flo comes to visit.

I'm no longer hormonal, so pay attention. If you have never experienced cramps that make it unbearable to move, or heavy bleeding that lasts for more than a week that are so heavy you have to bring a change of clothes with you and that make sitting on a towel in the car an absolute must, or bloating to where you look pregnant when you're not, or hormonal changes that affect your mood regardless of doing yoga or exercise, then please just shut up, because you obviously have NO idea what the heck you are talking about.

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